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2005-02-01 - 1:00 p.m.
(note: this is random rambling as I try to figure out something for myself...apologies for the self-indulgence.) Something seems out of sorts with me lately. Something just isn't clicking in the grand scheme of things and I can't put my finger on what it is. A general discontentment and dissatisfaction...the feeling that I've let go of something that wasn't mine to begin with...that I've lost something that wasn't meant to be found, by me at least...That something has said goodbye before I ever got the chance to introduce myself properly...ever had that feeling? Ah well...life is funny ain't it? Wouldn't it be nice to be completely self-sufficient? Not need company, someone's touch, someone to hold...sometimes that hurts the most. No matter what song and dance seems to go on on the surface...none of that really matters does it? Course it doesn't. So what then does matter? Ah that seems to change from day to day...when I'm happy, then everything seems to have meaning and beauty and power and joy. And when I'm in the shits...everything is, well, shit. And are we all driven by hormones after all? Cause if we are then all this is moot isn't it? Does it mean then that we're just dressing up simple, basic instinct and desire with fancy schmancy-pants theories and feelings and emotions just to make us feel more evolved? I'm starting to lean in that direction, given that the more I think about it, the less I seem to understand about anything. Well I suppose it may be because I'm thick and less-evolved than the average neanderthal...in which case I'll just head back to the cave and sulk. I think that's what I'll do. |