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A little too much to drink, and a little too little of everything else.

Am listening to Seal's Love's Divine by candlelight on a cool and quiet Wednesday night/Thursday morning...fun trying to type without seeing the keyboard and with one too many vodka-redbulls clouding the ole vision.

In vino veritas as my I-talian friends would say. And it's been a lovely day. Shame it had to come to an end.

"Then a rainstorm came over me.
And I felt my spirit break.

I have lost all my belief, you see.
And realised my mistakes."

Sing it brother.

"I need love. Love's divine.
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind.
Give me love
Love is what I need to help me know my name."

Lately, I felt a quietness and peace that I've missed for a long time now. Everything seems as it should be.
That's not to say that it's all good. But it's what it is and that doesn't seem too bad.

A couple of nights ago, I was in my room and suddenly I felt so right, so at peace, so calm...it was a little frightening. But nothing seemed out of place, nothing seemed good or bad. It just seemed as it should be.

Does that make sense ?

"Don't bend.
Don't break.
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake.
Cause love will help me know my name."

Man I must be getting sentimental in my old age.

But the video to that song made me cry.
The scene where the guy comes out of prison after what must have been years to see his little girl and wife waiting for me. And he doesn't know what to do except that he has missed them so much and (my extrapolation) that he hopes for their love and forgiveness.

"Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind."

It made my heart ache a bit and that doesn't happen very often.

Maudlin I know but I can't help it. I have the song on repeat.

So the year approaches it's end. It's been a long one I feel. Where will it all end ? What will we all learn ? Something I hope.

"Cause I need love. Love's divine."

It's not about love alone though. It's about learning. It's about who we are. What we are. Where we are. And what it all means.

Life, love and the pursuit of happiness. That's always been a slightly glib response I throw out when people ask me what I want.

Now I'm not sure. Maybe I want something else. Something more. Something less.

Funny that I feel like this when everything else seems to be clicking perfectly...or maybe it's the perfect time. Maybe it's time for bed.

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