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2004-11-17 - 12:40 a.m.
For some reason, today, right now, right here, I am alone. Not just normal alone, but alone in the universe alone. Ok that might just be a bit of melodrama but that's the way it feels. There are people all around me. God knows, with condo-living these days, all there ever seems to be around me, beside me, on top and below and by the side of me, are people. But today is an alone-day for me. For whatever reason - distance, circumstance, plain bad luck - I'm alone. Normally I can reach out and feel someone's presence, regardless whether real or imagined. Right now, when I reach out, it's pretty cold and dark out there. And it's not a bad thing. Lately there's been a lot of, well, stuff, happening. Mood-altering substances (nothing drastic), mood-altering people...there's been so much lifting me up and putting me down and lifting me up again that I feel like a three-year-old must do. And that's pretty weird for me. I;ve always liked to be the one doing the lifting and putting down. So I've been bouncing up and down on the waves a little and wondering where it will all take me. And tonight the bouncing seems to have stopped for a little while and it's pretty nice. It's dark outside the window and very quiet for the neighbourhood. Normally the bugs are raising a racket, or some neighbour is watching tv or has the radio on. But at the moment all that's making a sounds is me typing. It's atmospheric due to the lack of atmosphere and that's pretty unusual for me. I think I like it. I feel like at least there's a little peace for me, if not clarity. So here I am in a little dark bubble...or maybe I'm just floating on a dark sea on a still night with no wind or waves or sound or light. And that feels just about right for now. |